Ask the Therapist
Spousal Abuse and PTSD
Dear Michael J. Formica,
I have been told by doctors I have PTSD (due to my mental, physical and sexual abuse as a child and young adult) and Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder , Depression, along with many physical problems pertaining with my back and spine which cause me a great deal of pain now
I'm not on alot of pain killers which I feel I should be because I do have alot of pain and the surgeons feel its too dangerous to do surgery at this time but my main problem right now is this ... I do not Drink and I do not feel that I abuse drugs . now when my pain does get over bearing I will on occasion
I will smoke a joint . You may feel this is abusing drugs . any how I am married and this seemed ok with my husband the 3 years we have known each other but one day it turned out to be not ok and a fight broke out between us and things got a bit out of hand .. and my husband well call the law on me and
when I went to get rid of the pot which was only enough for a single joint like
I said I don't smoke alot and I didn't keep enough around but for maybe 2 or 3 joints at a time but any how my husband
wouldn't let me get rid of it and grabbed me and was fighting me and ended up busting my lips and
putting bruises on me when he grabbed me my instincts caused me to fight I don't
know what came over me . I'm not strong . my husband is very large over 300 lbs
I'm merely 180 lbs. I'm scared I don't know enough about what's wrong with me mentally
to know if this is a sign of future abuse or if this is me running away again I do know that people like me that has been in abusive relationships tend to seek out abusive men and
I cant have that it would just kill me if I did that again . I feel I have to get out before it happens again but
I'm scared that I'm just running away again and he truly didn't mean to hurt me but if he really wanted me to get rid of it why
didn't he just let me. I'm so confused and so scared. I do seek treatment I go see a doctor and he tells me to stop second guessing myself . its just that
I don't know enough about what's wrong with me to know how I feel or what I should do
I guess . and my husband keep asking me why I am the way I am he says its the bipolar
I tell him that's just the tip of the iceberg if he wants to know why I am the way
I am he need to know the PTSD but I don't even know enough about it I just know what has happened to me in my life. I know
I am a survivor but my thoughts run thin on what to do within my own mind if you could please tell me more about my mental disorders it would sure help .
thanks
First off, it is never acceptable for one human being to do violence to another. There is no excuse for it and it should never be tolerated for any reason.
Second, listen to your therapist...stop second guessing yourself. That self-doubt is being driven by the disorders you describe and it also feeds them. That's a vicious cycle you want to get out of, so work at it.
Finally, it is completely unfair for your husband to blame his anger on your problems. That feeds your self-doubt and allows him to not take responsibility for his own actions, up to and including hitting you.
You are not running away. You are confronting your issues and doing what is in your own best interest. Look at the facts, think about what is best for you, then make a decision.
