Ask the Therapist
Significant other with BPD and Narcissistic Personality
Disorders
I love someone very much who has a borderline and a narcissistic personality order. At the time we were together I had no idea of what was wrong with him. I have studied the illness and understand it now and I would like to have him back. I know he is with some else but I all so know that we had a very special relationship. What are the odds he will remember me and come back to me. I would give any thing to have him back and get him in to
therapy.
You've asked several questions here. The most pragmatic What are the odds he will remember me and come back to me. points to concerns of your own. That you have been carrying a torch for this person and have taken the time to research his situation after the relationship is over (with, one might assume, the intention of understanding _that_ relationship, not just for your own education) says something about the way the relationship was set up in the first place and suggests an
over investment that may not be healthy for you. That you are not sure he will remember you is of even greater concern and may be something you want to look at.
Will he remember you?...I have no idea. Will he come back to you?...given the nature of the borderline and narcissistic personality styles, the answer is probably yes, but not for the reasons you may have anticipated. As your grandmother always told you, be careful what you wish for.
Two features of a narcissistic personality are taking advantage of others and a lack of empathy. In entering into a relationship -- especially an intimate one -- with a narcissistic personality you are volunteering for a relationship that potentially lacks caring for you and leaves you vulnerable to any number of problems, from finances to infidelity. The borderline, on the other hand, is terrified of abandonment and is also morbidly inconsistent. So, you're volunteering here for a relationship where you will not necessarily know whom you are dealing with on a day to day, if not hour to hour, basis that may subject you to abuses ranging from finances to fidelity. Is that a place you want to be?
While you are occupied with rekindling a relationship with this man, the first question you need to address is what is it about what has the potential to be an unhealthy and abusive relationship that is drawing you to it and holding your fascination.
