Ask the Therapist
How to Tell Husband You Suspect He Has the BPD
I suspect that my husband suffers from BPD but I don't know how to bring it up, how
to tell him this without enraging him. He is not physically abusive but his rages
are very stressful and I've learned to avoid them at all costs. Of course this doesn't make for a healthy relationship at all, which is why I desperately want him
to get treatment, because I can't live like this. Is there a correct way, a non-threatening way, to approach this? Thanks for your help.
Unfortunately, there is not. Anything you do will, to him, look unsupportive and abandoning (even if it's not) and will activate the BPD-ness that you are trying to avoid. What is most important for you to recognize is that by walking on eggs shells, you are enabling what you suspect to be the BP disorder or, at least, its features. That's not healthy for you.
You said yourself, you can't live like this...so your decision is about you, not him. Do you want to be in this relationship? How does it serve you? Sounds selfish, but being involved with this type of person tends to cause the partner to lose sight of themselves. Figure out what _you_ need, then go from there.
