Ask the Therapist
Son with Possible Social Anxiety
My 24 year old son is miserable. He holds down a job but hates being around people. He is always angry and has a host of physical symptoms that I suspect are related to all of this. He has been on anxiety and depression meds in the past and they do not seem to help. He took himself off the meds and he no longer sees his doctor. He says he cannot sleep - ever. Whenever I ask how he feels it's always, "Tired". He has 1 friend that grew up with him and has a very limited social life as well. He refuses to get more help and says it's just the way he thinks and he'll be this way the rest of his life. He moved back home 1.5 years ago after being on his own for 2.5 years. He spends most of his time at home in his room and when he's downstairs, he rarely says anything. He first showed signs of depression and anxiety in the 7th/8th grade. I wasn't able to get him to talk with anyone about this. He didn't seek help until he was 19 and his
fiancé called off the wedding 4 days before. Since then he's been on all kinds of meds and in talk therapy, but nothing either by itself or in combination seems to help. As he gets older it seems more like a personality or thought disorder. It makes me very sad to see him this way. He is my only child and I want him to be happy or at least content. I no longer know what to do or suggest to him to help him get thru this. Can you please make a suggestion?
While I can't make a diagnosis here, my initial impression is that your son is suffering from features of social anxiety. This could be the motivator for his depression or a symptom of it -- kind of a chicken-or-the-egg thing. As for the anger -- anger and depression are two sides of the same coin -- show me a mad kid and I'll show you a sad kid. That he can hold down a job says something about the depression, again chicken-or-the-egg. It may be that he needs to be involved in a more comprehensive treatment. If his therapist is focusing on the depression/anxiety s/he may be overlooking what we call a co-morbid disorder...in this case, social anxiety. See if you can talk to him about this. He's an adult, so he'll do what he wants, but you can be supportive of his finding a greater peace.
