Ask the Therapist
Getting my Life Back on Track
About a year ago I was diagnosed with both BPD and ADD, on top of having a history of an eating disorder and severe depression/anxiety; a few months later, I came in contact with my biological father. I told him from the beginning that I was in treatment for my disorders, and was relieved to find that he was very accepting of them, since mental illness runs heavily in his family. After our first in-person meeting, I became convinced that a change of environment would help me greatly; he agreed and said that he was more than willing to let me move in with him, his wife and their two children. Two weeks later, I dropped out of college (I'm 18) and moved seven hundred miles away from home, without notifying my mother. I spent less than three weeks in his house (half of the time without my medication, since I didn't make any real preparations beforehand), before he kicked me out for being a "clingy, manipulative, spoiled brat." I reacted badly, attempted suicide, and wound up spending four days in a crisis residence for mentally ill homeless people before I could get into contact with my mother and return home. Now, he refuses to talk to me, and believes (along with his wife and sons) that I tried to destroy his family, and forced my negative traits onto my youngest brother. I had no intention of doing this, and when I tried to explain that I was sorry and out of control, they responded by saying that I made up my disorders to manipulate them. I'm trying to get my life back on track, and I want to make amends with them, but I'm not sure how; everything I say is viewed as manipulation, not as an apology.
Actions speak louder than words, especially if the people around you have expectations based on your diagnoses and past behavior. The best thing to do is show them that you are capable of functioning in a reasonable way. Get focused, go back to college and then you can say, "See? I'm not the person you thought I was."
Words won't do it and if they have an idea they are probably going to stick with it. As one of my teachers used to say, "Deed, not word."
