Ask the Therapist
High-functioning Borderline with Ph.D?
I recently obtained my ph.d in clinical psychology- so i am familiar with this diagnosis. After several years of schooling and recent (forced) reflection on my own behavior I have come to the conclusion that I meet most criteria for this cursed diagnosis, although few people would know it. My 4 year relationship with a guy is about to end and my response to this is well beyond the range of normalcy.
Some background- our cultures are different- for him, this is a huge deal- he wants to marry someone from his own culture, and informed me of this on our first date. Needless to say, I kept dating him and have harboured feelings of resentment and anger for this statement as well as his traditional views, ever since. One day I love him, the next I am repulsed by him. I am insecure, controlling, and apparently terrified of rejection/abandonment. I do not abuse substances, have never self mutilated or threatened sucide etc., I have no history of physical or sexual abuse. I do however, find the discussion of terminating our relationship incredibly aversive- I have panic attacks, insomnia, stop eating, extreme restlessness, uncontrollable crying, feelings of emptiness, extreme anger, and cannot distract myself. In sum, I am afraid that when this relationship ends I will cease to function.
I've heard the term "high-fx borderline" but I'm not sure what this means exactly? If I had to take a guess, I'd say I'm an example of one. Could you please give me your input?
If you were a Borderline, you would have always been a Borderline. It doesn't just show up. If your dysregulative emotions are in response to a specific interpersonal relationship, and they are, you are more likely experiencing a co-dependent dynamic that is being informed by some other issues of depression, object constancy and object rage. Looks like Borderline, but is more likely extreme co-dependence.
Co-dependence often relies on the constellation of a complex (Jungian Analytical Psychological theory). Complexes are neither good, nor bad...they just are. And they are constellated by specific sub-conscious, super-conscious and social cues. A co-dependent dynamic can develop in deference to a single relationship, while a person can remain perfectly fine in all other interpersonal relationships. In English, this guy sets you off, and your inability to cope with the departure of what he represents to you symbolically sends you into a tailspin. Don't look at him or the relationship...look at what he/it represents.
A high-functioning Borderline is someone who is, quite frankly high-functioning. Most straight BPs are highly intelligent and quite successful, often professionals or "blue collar professionals" (nurses, techs, etc.). It's the Complex PTSDs, agitated depressives and shadow schizotypals that are the ones that don't get on well.
On a professional note, you have established that you have a propensity to establish co-dependent relationships. If you are going to have client contact, you will need be especially vigilant about boundaries, multiple relationships and collateral relationships...especially if you are going to encouter borderline or co-dependent personality styles. It is very, very easy to lose your professional perspective when some good looking, successful borderline sweeps into your office or some kittenish housewife kicks off her shoes and curls up on your couch. I call it asexual seduction...it's more powerful, and less controllable, than if they just throw themselves at you -- and they'll do that, too. Stay vigilant and self-monitor, always.
