Ask the Therapist
Wife with BPD
I am married to a Lady for almost 4 years. Though I moved out almost a year ago. Our last effort at keeping our marriage together was going to marriage counseling. It was there that the counselor informed me that my wife has bpd. And had me read the book walking on egg shells. That answered alot of questions for me. My question to you is my wife comes from a physically/sexually abusive family. They live close by and she/we still have to lie and hide things from her parents. Would/could things change if we were to move out of state. I have a opportunity to relocate and would be willing to move together if it would help. But everything I read says I cannot help her.
What you've read is correct. You can't help your wife, she can only help herself. _But_ one of the things a BP craves is safety. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that, because of her history, it's a fair bet that your wife's family being nearby is not good for her. It's a source of stress and anxiety that probably feeds her problems.
The thing is that BP is learned. And anything that is learned can be unlearned. One of the most important factors in learning is environment. If your wife is in a place that makes her behaviors familiar, then taking her out of that environment may -- only may -- give her an opportunity to try a different way to behave.
