Ask the Therapist
Transference
Can you explain transference to me in simple terms? Everything I read is confusing and hard
to understand.
Transference has to do with object relations. We have certain "blank" objects in our unconscious mind. When we have experiences we give those objects definition...imagine a big plate of cookie dough and a half a dozen cookie cutters: when you use the cookie cutters on the dough you get a lot of "blanks"...it's the sprinkles and nuts and candies, etc. (experiences) that you put on the blanks that makes them what they are. Got it?
So, you have, let's say, your Mother Object. Your experience of your Primary Female Caretaker (whether she be your biological mother, adoptive mother, nanny, big sister, little sister, whatever) as you grow up gives you certain expectations about the Mother Object and when these expectations get activated we say that you have "constellated a complex" - in this case a "Mother Complex". Positive activation of a complex means that your needs are getting your needs met and it makes you happy.
When you are in therapy, if the therapist "activates" your Mother Complex by talking about certain things, or fostering memories or whatever, you _transfer_ the expectations you have of Mother on to him or her -- that's transference. What happens is you then start acting and reacting toward and with the therapist in a way that is consistent with the way that you would act and react toward Mother.
_Counter-transference_ is when the therapist starts to respond to the patient in a way consistent with their (the therapists) own complexes based on the patients behavior. So, if the patient begins to act like Spoiled Child because the therapist has activated the Mother Complex, the therapist might begin to act like Punishing Parent or Conciliatory Parent or Bratty Sibling.
Example...A patient comes to therapy because she is depressed. She is depressed because she feels lonely and neglected in her marriage. Psychodynamically what we see is that her husband is not meeting the expectations of her Love Object and so her Love Complex is not being constellated, her needs aren't met and she is "empty". If the therapist, by virtue of his role, is supportive and kind thus activating the Love Complex, the patient begins to respond to him as if he were a Love Object (her husband) ergo, transference. Now, if by some chance, this style of attention from the patient activates a complex in the therapist, say his own Love Complex or his Mother Complex or his I'm-45-and-I-need-to-still-feel-like-I'm-desirable-to-beautiful-(or even ugly)-younger-women Complex and he responds to her behavior, that's counter-transference.
