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however I also had a husband who suffered from generalized anxiety disorder and depression, (dysthemia or dysthymic disorder depending on which name you choose). I come from a family where both my siblings had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and my mother also suffers with depression. so all of those disorders are known to me.

I was diagnosed after being admitted to a hospital with suicidal ideation in extreme distress after some problems I had been trying to cope with just got too much for me. After the initial interviews with a psychiatrist and a few days on cipramil I swung violently from a depressive state into hypomania and the diagnosis was then made. I have been on various medications, mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, SSRIs, almost everything except Lithium which I have refused to try (I don't really know why, it just didn't seem like something for me, also I have a history of diabetes in my family and I read somewhere that Lithium might cause diabetes in some people). I have been lucky in my treatment and doctors, so far I am in the stage of partial remission and have been stable on my medication for some time although it did take time for the doctor to get the right med balance. At present I take 400 mg Tegeratol (carbamazepine) twice daily, a very small dose of zoloft (25mg) in the morning and 100mg Seroquel with my tegretol in the evening to help me sleep. In the case of mood fluctuations upwards I have the option of taking more seroquel but so far haven't needed to do so, if I begin to feel depressed I have various things I do which I have found helpful including meditation and some exercises I learned from my psychologist but I keep a close eye on my moods and get to the doctor if I feel they are not good.

My diagnosis has had many effects in my life. I'd say the struggle to overcome the feeling that I am ill and the label that attaches to me is the burden I struggle with still.... I also have to remind myself that my meds are essential on a daily basis as I hate taking medication. However knowing that I needn't struggle with things that can be treated has helped me feel more at peace with myself and knowing what it is that makes me struggle with some things has gone a long way towards helping me to feel less alone and broken and more hopeful that I will be alright and I can get things right with the help I need. Before being diagnosed I just thought I was strange and had resigned myself to always feeling "out of place in my own skin, and blowing with the wind, unsure of how I would react from moment to moment, day to day" I had also developed some serious self esteem issues from suffering on my own for so many years - those I have gone a long way towards working on. Mostly find I now get more done because I am less likely to try to take on too much and end up quitting everything when I get overwhelmed which is how I used to function.