Eating Disorders
My name is Rachael and I am a 34 year old
married woman. We don't have children, but we have a cat named Isaac. I
work as a grant writer/fund developer at a substance abuse agency.
I am diagnosed with PTSD, Bi-polar II, EDNOS, and Personality Disorder
NOS. I have been hospitalized five times, and have been on a host of
medications to try and stabilize me. I have tried DBT (bad experience) and
a Women's Trauma group (good experience), in addition to twice weekly talk
therapy.
On PTSD: About 9 years ago, my husband and
I were attacked in our bedroom by an intruder. We were both stabbed
multiple times and hospitalized for several days. After the
hospitalization, we spent a month recovering in my parents house. We then
returned to NYC to try and live and work again. It didn't work. Although
we moved to a different apartment (one with a door man), my husband slept
with a baseball bat and I had to tour the entire apartment when I would
come in to make certain no one was there. Eventually, I got fired from my
job because I just couldn't concentrate on it anymore. We next moved to
Vermont and took whatever jobs came along to try and forget.
A few years later, we moved to New Haven, CT as my husband was accepted at
Yale Divinity School. My PTSD symptoms had mostly disappeared. Then they
came back with a vengeance. I wanted to die. I wanted to kill someone. I
spent a lot of time drinking. A friend recommended a therapist who
specialized in PTSD and I made an appointment. I have been working with
her ever since. In our last session, we talked about the stabbing, how I
locked my self out of the apartment as I went to get help from the
neighbors, as my husband struggled with the intruder, alone. It is the one
thing I will never be able to forgive myself for doing. It's the one thing
that probably prevents me from moving on.
Bi-polar: As my PTSD symptoms raged, I was referred to a psychiatrist for meds.
We started with all the usual. An anti-depressant (Paxil) which I hated,
then Trazadone, which was okay except for the thirst. Then, I went on a
spending spree, became hypomanic. Was diagnosed BP II, given depakote. In
between, I got addicted to Klonopin, smashed my car up because I fell
asleep on the highway on the way to Law School. I also fell asleep in
therapy, was taken to the hospital, and then institutionalized for a few
days as I slept off the Klonopin.
I am a rapid cycler, and my moods are mostly down. I had a psychotic
episode and was "papered" and put on zyprexa. I gained lots of
weight. I have been hospitalized five times. Twice by my own doing with my
therapist for suicidal ideations and three times -- Klonopin, Psychotic
episode, Suicide attempt (lithium overdose) against my will.
Now, I take Effexor, Lithium, Klonopin, Sonata, and Synthroid for my underactive
thyroid.
Eating Disorder: Two years ago, I was diagnosed with EDNOS when I stopped
eating and got down to 110 pounds. That incident may have precipitated the
psychotic episode (my therapist would say yes, I don't think so). The
Zyprexa made me gain back the weight I lost and then some. I was seen by a
counselor at the Yale Center for Eating and Weight Disorders, and later a
nutritionist.
Today, I eat less than 1000 calories a day. I am back at the Eating
Disorder Clinic. Because my metabolism is all screwed up, I have lost much
weight. I am in starvation mode, and my excessive exercise doesn't seem to
be helping me lose weight, either.
I am fortunate to have a supportive and loving husband and family. I have
a supportive work environment. I have a fabulous psychologist, a
great psychiatrist, an interesting eating disorder therapist, a great
nutritionist. Somehow, I have managed to put together a great treatment
team.
I struggle with my illness everyday, but with self education, therapy, medications,
and the support of a loving husband and family, I manage to get up
everyday and go to work. Write me and I'll respond as fast as I can.
EMAIL me at: rachaelba@yahoo.com
Thanks
